Where to find writing partners?
"When I joined a group, it didn't feel right to me"
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QUESTION:
Dear Kate. I am a busy professional who writes fiction in my limited spare time. I've taken a few writing classes, but I'd like to get some regular feedback on my drafts. However, when I tried joining a writers group, it didn't feel right to me: we had different styles and they assigned creative exercises I don't really have time for. Do you have any advice for finding writing partners?
— Roger
Dear Roger,
It sounds like you’re doing all of the key things (as much as there is anything truly “right” when it comes to anything about the writing process!). You’re making time to write even with a busy schedule, and are now considering the next steps. A lot of people jump straight into publishing questions (“I wrote a thing, now what!!”) , so I wanted to start by saying YES to your question and yes to this absolutely crucial next step: getting feedback. (And if you’re reading this and thinking, “I wrote a thing, now what!!” I can tell you that my answer will be, 100% of the time: get feedback.) Our writing is made up of drafts upon drafts, and in order to make each piece stronger, cleaner, richer, more itself, we need to step outside our own heads and our own perspectives and see what other people think.
This can be, of course, a challenging process.
There are all the customary feelings—vulnerability, exposure, utterly debilitating self doubt (that’s not just me, right?), and why does no one ever tell me right off the bat that my work is genius and perfect just the way it is?!?!?
But these are internal problems we kind of just have to figure out a way to overcome. A much bigger and, I think, thornier problem is this one you raise, which is a question of fit. How do you know when the feedback is right for you? And how do you find the people who are going to give that kind of feedback—a critique you can trust and a relationship you can hopefully continue to build?
There are a few avenues for doing this, and I’m hoping that the growing group of you reading this (hello! thank you! please keep sending in your questions, it’s wonderful to hear from you!) might also have some advice you can post in the comments about where you’ve found your people, or maybe even some of you who are looking will be able to connect.
The first thing I’d suggest is looking for writing groups, either local to you or online, but it sounds like you’ve already done this. The good news is that knowing something isn’t the right fit allows you to move on sooner. And, not that you’ve indicated this but it can be a common feeling so I’ll put it out there anyway—don’t feel bad about leaving. If you try something and it’s not the group for you, it’s like putting down a book you’re not into. IT IS OKAY. If you’re not looking for creative exercises, then don’t stay with a group that includes creative exercises. Maybe this seems obvious, but people often think they have to stick something out and I am your fairy godwriter giving you permission to walk.
Although this particular group wasn’t for you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that ALL groups aren’t for you. A writing group may be different from a critique group, as some groups are focused on generating work and others on responding to work that’s already written. You could definitely try to find another group that has a different focus, and see if you can get a sense before joining about what the group is like and what its members are primarily looking for.
Ask questions: how big is the group, how often does it meet, do the same people attend each meeting, what’s the turnover like, is there any vetting or requirement for people to join, how much work does each person share and how frequently, what are the expectations for providing and receiving feedback, what type of writing do the group members focus on, etc.? There are no right or wrong answers here. But you want to make sure you’re doing your homework and finding a group that more closely aligns with what you’re looking for.
After that, it all kind of comes down to things that are less quantifiable. Do you like the group members? Do you get a good feeling (a vibe, if you will) when you interact with the group? Do you want to come back? Do you think you will learn things and improve your writing by reading and responding to the writing of the other group members? Do you think you will learn things and improve your writing by having them give feedback to you?
I confess that I, personally, am not one for writing groups. I’m not really one for groups in general. Friend groups, study groups, reading groups, writing groups, the group I was once in that got together to read Shakespeare aloud—that was fun! But every group I’ve ever been in has fallen apart, sometimes a slow and disappointing fade but often a spectacular explosion of personalities and egos and disputes. And so while I envy the group-goers, the ones who seem to find themselves and their people and know right where they belong, I’ve begun to intentionally protect my time and my sanity by avoiding those dynamics altogether.
I do sometimes wish I had more people I could draw upon to read my drafts, but for the most part I’m happy to have curated a small but meaningful constellation of individuals with whom I have a one-on-one relationship. We read and respond to each other’s work only when we have work to share and only at the stage when we each want to share it. It’s not a writing group — none of my critique partners knows who the other ones are and they don’t exchange work with each other. Some people really like the regularity and the camaraderie a group can provide, and I’m by no means saying don’t join a group. I just wanted to throw out an alternative, which is that you’re not doing anything wrong or missing out by not being part of a group, either.
How I found my critique partners: someone I co-wrote academic pieces with 10+ years ago when we were in graduate school, who now reads my fiction and I read her scholarship. A published novelist who took me on through a mentorship program, and when the program ended, we continued our relationship and now read each other’s work. A novelist working on being published, who I met in a Facebook group (I know, I’m surprised too!)—we went out for a beer first, like an awkward first date, to see how we might get along, and then exchanged short stories to test out our feedback styles and compatibility before moving on to sharing our novels-in-progress.
I have a few other people in my trusted inner circle, and sometimes it depends on what I’m working on. I have a substantial trial scene in the novel I’m revising on now, so I sought out a lawyer to get feedback early on. I find it valuable to have a mix of writers and non-writers respond to a manuscript, as people tend to notice different things and have different priorities when approaching a draft. And as a white author, I try to be intentional about making sure to exchange work with a diverse group of critique partners so I don’t wind up locked inside my own echo-chamber. If everyone in a writing group shares a single demographic, I’d suggest taking a step back and asking why that is and what other voices might be missing from the conversation.
What I would NOT do when looking for critique partners.
Send too much too soon.
Read someone else’s work on the “promise” that they will “get to yours after.”
Dive into feedback without first establishing what kind of reading they’re looking for, and what kind of reading you feel equipped to give.
I’ve made the mistake in the past of immediately exchanging whole novels with folks I don’t know all that well, and it’s never gone well. People have completely different tastes, are looking for different things, aren’t a good match, etc. etc. etc. I know I shouldn’t be shocked by the number of times my feedback to someone boils down to “This is unspeakably racist and you cannot send it to an agent” but I’m shocked nonetheless. I’ve also been in too many situations where I spend time on someone’s work, only to have them completely ghost me and not read mine at all. It’s important to have clear expectations about what the feedback will look like. Developmental ideas? Line edits? How detailed? Is the person really looking for deep and interesting critique, or do they just want to hear their book is good? I know I’ve inadvertently hurt people’s feelings by realizing too late that they wanted affirmation, not critique. While I’ve tried to soften my delivery until I know someone better, I’m also more aware of the need to tread carefully until I’m certain we’re on the same page (pun intended, sorry!).
A lot of these issues and potential pitfalls can be avoided by taking it slow, exchanging something short to begin with, like a story or just the first few chapters of a novel, and then making sure styles, interests, and expectations align before taking on a greater commitment.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and say “Here is how to find your people.” Unfortunately, a lot of it is trial and error. You’re on the right path by seeking out writing groups and getting to know what you’re looking for—which also means knowing what you’re not looking for. My advice is to keep searching out groups and individuals, and treat those first few encounters as a trial run, testing out the waters before diving all the way in. It may be that a group comes along that clicks for you, or it may be that you wind up with a hodgepodge of individuals who together are able to give you the kind of nourishing and responsive feedback that meets your needs. Be flexible without overly compromising, and recognize that things may change over time.
If anyone has additional advice about how you’ve found your critique partners or writing groups, please respond in the comments or let me know, and I’ll compile a list of resources for future reference!
Kate
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